Cancer is a terrible disease. Your own body eats you from the inside out causing great pain and suffering both to yourself and to those around you.

My father-in-law died 1 week ago (Oct 16th).  I would like to say suddenly but it wasn’t. You see 4 years ago or so ago he was diagnosed with throat cancer. After horrendous bouts of chemo and radiation therapy he was declared cleared. But in the meantime, his throat was damaged by excess radiation due to a power flux.  For the last 4 years he has been surviving on liquid meal suppliments because the damage meant he couldn’t swallow proper food. A terrible thing for a man who loved to cook.

For the last 2 years we were unable to visit him. The money wasn’t there for the trip.  I was out of work, a second business I had gone into had failed and hotels and gas cost money. We asked him to come down to us but he refused. Phone calls were all there was.

In July, the cancer came back. I don’t know the why he didn’t tell his doctor. Why he avoided the appointments. Why he lied to his family. Why he waited until the last moment.  Why he chose to sit in his basement apartment and drink – chasing away anyone who asked after his well being. But I can guess. After all, I watched my own mother taking the maximum doses of morphine while we waited for the cancer to eat her.

When he finally collapsed from dehydration, no one realized his children hadn’t been contacted. We learned of the return of his disease an hour after he died. In some ways, it was best that way. I would not want my wife to remember him as he must have been at the end.

Last week, my wife Lisa and her sister Debbie,  said goodbye to their father.  A series of phone calls, visits to priests, bankers, lawyers, crematoriums and the dump.  Plans for this week and finishing the undone tasks – too painful to complete. Plans to return and clean out the last of his meager belongings. A poor meager pile of belongings, pictures and memories. All that remains of a long life. All except the memories of my son, daughter, and neices.  And those of his daughters,  remaining sisters and brother.

So goodbye Gerry. You did your best. That’s all anyone could have asked.

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In my last “post”, such as it was, I said that I would finish off the lessons learned today. As it turns out I have two more lessons. (Hey, I was an accountant – I can’t do that higher math thing add, subtract – too much for me!) So I’ll finish off the two lessons on Wed/Fri of this week and start talking about writing next Monday. Back to the Writing How To Books and away from business for a bit.

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